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Hell_Cat_18

Rain

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~*Rain*~

Rain, rain go away

There won't be another day

Broken dreams are washed away

Never to return another day

Rain drops fall red as blood

Desapear into the mud

Promises made in broken blood

Are lost forever in the freezing mud

Screams and thunder shake the ground

Though niether make a sound

Fist and anger pound the ground

Strange that niether make a sound

Pain and sorrow fall like rain

They fall on the fight to stay sane

Drops of red fall like rain

I'm losing the fight to stay sane

Rocking silent with the wind

No comfort will it lend

Deaf and blind I cry into the wind

No pity will it lend

Freezing, shivering all alone

Slowly drowning like a sunken stone

Cold, dying and all alone

My heart stops like a frozen stone

Rain, rain go away

There won't be another day

Broken dreams are washed away

Never to return another day


[sIGPIC]What's wrong, cat eat your tounge?[/sIGPIC]

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...well we both have very different views on the rain

i think its almost comforting you think of it as depressing

comments dont look if you dont want:

the poem was good but the last line didn't feel like the right amount of sylables when i was reading it

i like your technic did you learn it yourself?

the

day

away

day

away

thing or did you get it from some where

because when i was reading it it seemed odd at first but then it fit more into it

did you intend for this to be more along the lines of slam poetry?

it has a solid point but i couldnt see the imagry to much, it seemed that the whole thing fit very well with each other so well. But i think if you re-fitted the last line to make it not fit so well it would stand more inconstant

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Thank you very much for your comments Honey Bee...I really do appreciate it. I too was a little off set and dissapointed with the last line, and as for the rhyme sceame, yeah I learned how to do it on my own...Nickleback was actually my insperation for this poem.


[sIGPIC]What's wrong, cat eat your tounge?[/sIGPIC]

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