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You can't fix stupid!

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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an

order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine,

or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets,

but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets


I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and

the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register

and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider",

looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.


A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive

and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,

she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number,

so she was using the ATM "thingy."


I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the

battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they

(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy,"

she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually

unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check

about the batteries. It's a long walk." (she had no clue either!)


Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,

"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,

put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.


I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was

towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair

and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had

set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.


My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office

of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with

their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks

who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal.

Do you guys have a fire downtown?"


Police in Radnor , Pa . interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on

his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message

"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time

they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working,

the suspect confessed.


A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her

kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give

the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine.

The mother says, "Okay, but, I just gave him some ant killer..... "

Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency room!"

Life is tough.

It's tougher if you're stupid.


                                               Look at the flowers

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Where I live there's a McDonald's in the Wal-Mart...

The one I could think of that was missing was told by Ron White about a cop that fired his gun at point blank range, missed, & while reloading the criminal left.

Those who fight deplorables should see to it that they themselves do not become deplorables.

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When I was younger I worked in a kitchen where my kid's dad was one of the cooks. I was a prep cook and this was before we dated. I guess there is a prank they pull on all new hires.

I never ate bacon, so I had no clue that it came longer raw and shrank when it cooked. One morning after some bacon I had cooked came out of the oven, the now ex came over to check my work and started freaking out. "You shrank it!" he said in a very serious tone "go over to those bins of tools and look for the bacon stretcher." Not wanting to get fired for messing up a whole package of bacon, I complied. As I was rummaging through the tools, the dishwasher came up to me and asked if he could help me find something. When I told him I was looking for a 'bacon stretcher' the entire back of the kitchen started laughing. There was no such thing as a "Bacon Stretcher"


"Well, Toutousai...don't you think it's a pity for Tessaiga? All Inuyasha can do is wave about a sword with all his strength...it's the same whether it's a famous sword or a log."


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There was no such thing as a "Bacon Stretcher"

You know, I thought that might have been the case but wasn't sure until you confirmed it for me... :P

Haha I liked the one that Bill Engvall told about the trucker who got his truck caught in an overpass, and a highway patrol officer showed up and said "You get your truck stuck?"

"Nope, I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas."

aomsehri \|/

This post is definitely my greatest contribution to the site.

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