Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  

Forum Wars Episode 3

Recommended Posts

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you...the first chapter of the next Forum wars installment. Sorry for taking so long, but this is all I have so far. I hope you enjoy this tasty teaser.

Forum Wars Episode 3- Revenge of the Cracked Rhino

About 1 year ago within the wires and cables of DSL, there lived a land of prosper and peace, spam and viruses. This mighty land was known to all as...The World Wide Web, or WWW for short.

During this time, there lived a colony of peaceful going citizens within the Forum Land. These Forumers were known as the members of AC, hot-wired Big Wheelers hooked on the AC gas. These members of Forum Land roamed the World Wide Web for years. They ranted and orangekreiged under the watchful eyes of King Sledgstone and Queen Ladywriter.

Last Time on Forum Wars:

CGRH and Darth O’Malley were at each other’s throats, continuing to fight with such malicious tactics. The resonating plasma from the Bad Post Reporters were slashed everywhere as the fight for survival continued to unfurl.

“Should we help him?” Sabe asked.

“Yeah, it looks like he needs help,” BlitzZ agreed.

“Nah, that will just ruin the moment,” GFX said.

Suddenly, CGRH knocked the Bad Post Reporter out of Darth O’Malley’s hand.

“Oh, crap,” O’Malley said.

“This is the end for you, Darth O’Malley,” CGRH replied, swinging the sword straight through his neck, decapitating his head.

“Adios, bastard. Adios.”

“A little too mellow-dramatic, are we?” GFX asked.

“Can it, GFX!”

“All right,” Strider Hiryu said, “we managed to stop all the Clones, and psychotic freak here beheaded Darth O’Malley.”

“Thank you,” CGRH said.

“Wait, where’s King Sledgstone?” Dubird asked.

“And what about DX and Saiel?” Cabbit Girl wondered.

“I’ll give you two guesses, but you’re only going to need one,” Dubird replied.

* * *

Sledge was on the ground, trapped in a corner, with Lord Ridic Ulous in front of him, Trojan Virus Gatlin gun pointed right in his face.

“So much for King Sledgstone, huh, my friend?” Lord Ridic Ulous asked. All Sledgstone could do was inhale and exhale. No words could form. “Oh, well, now it your time to die…”

Then, the other warriors stormed in to find Lord Ridic Ulous about to kill King Sledgstone. When Lord Ridic Ulous turned the gun and himself around, it was all they could do but gasp.

“SON OF A BITCH!” GFX yelled.

“SON OF A BITCH!” BlitzZ gasped.

“MADRE de DIOS!” CGRH called.

With that, everyone looked at CGRH with confusion written all over his or her faces in blue ink.


“You know,” GRX said, “that really doesn’t mean son of a bitch in Spanish.”

“Oh well. So what?”

“ENOUGH!” yelled Lord Ridic Ulous. However, under all that confusion, Sledge had gotten up and retrieved his sword. Just when he said, “Now before I kill your leader, I’ll kill all of you!” the sword was plunged into his heart, ending his rule.

“Well, at least we’re not a captain’s crew,” Sledge said.

“Why do you say that?” Vincent asked.

“Because if Columbus had this crew, the world would still be flat.”


Chapter 1: Turmoil

For a long while, after the destruction of the phpBB’s great fortress of non-happy fun time bad-ness, the Ancient Clan, or AC, lived in great turmoil. Now, they were back to where they started: a ruined kingdom with no server, no control, and on the verge of bankruptcy. All was destruction and chaos within the kingdom. Noobs ran around amuck with no rules to regulate their actions, and previous members, who were banned because of their stupidity, abused the system yet again. There were double posts, flame wars, triple posts, flame wars, and the most horrible of all…pornographic material…and more than triple posts. And the worst part of it all is…no one could stop them.

“Damn it!” yelled Sledgestone, as he pounded the table his comrades were sitting at. Things had gotten so out of control, Sledge decided to have a secret meeting with the original heroes of AC. It was all DX, GRX, or even GFX could do to calm their great ruler down. Not even the soft-spoken words of Queen Lady could cool his anger. Not to mention, the table wasn’t hard enough to hold such fierce pressure, and it broke into pieces.

“CRAAAAAP! Damn it, damn it, damn it…this is so damn stupid. Not even a freakin’ table can hold my anger. Damn it all! Damn it, damn it, damn it…”

“OMFG, guys,” GFX said as he stared at the now angry-chibi styled Sledge, the once cool-headed man they all knew and grew to accept as their ruler, who now has seemed to snap. “We have to figure out how to keep this madness within the Forum under control, and a tranquilizer gun for our cap here.”

“Well, the only way we can do that is if we got a new server to establish boundaries again,” Lady replied, “and I don’t think cyber-tranquilizers are on sale anyway. Not even eBay has those.”

“Woooooah…” the other three replied, “eBay doesn’t have cyber-tranquilizers!” It was all they could do to keep themselves from fainting under such nonsense.

“Oh great,” GRX said, “now there is no hope unless we do find a new server.”

“But with the destruction of the search program we had on the website, the only way we could ever get a new server is with one were to ominously appear right on our front doorstep and knock on the castle drawbridge,” DX exclaimed.

They then waited for about 5 minutes, but nothing happened.

“Oh well, it was worth a shot,” DX said, “I mean, it always works in the other stories.”

“Wait, there is another way,” Sledge said. The others did not even realize that he had gotten back under control, and they all jumped a few feet, but soon got back to their senses. “There is another part of this website no one knows about and we can use to find our new server.”

“Another part?” DX asked.

“Yes, and it was kept secret so it could not be touched by the wrong hands, for if used wrongly could mean the destruction of the Forum World itself. It was kept under our watch since no one would ever dare look here with our recent victories.”

“What is this place called, sir?” GFX asked.

“An area like no other. An area that could make the difference between being a man and a boy once you step inside. It is an area where no normal boundaries are set. It is where time is no obstacle, mind is no boundary, and all your wildest nightmares come true.”

“How could such a place exist?” GRX wondered.

“For the sole purpose of destruction. It was a prototype created by our first attempt of making a Forum World, but so much chaos broke out and all rules were broken that the project was immediately shut down and the world was sealed away, with all inhabitants still consumed by its darkness.”

“You locked them away? Why?” DX asked, but Sledge knew they were all wondering. Paranoia grew in their minds as they became more confused of this heinous feat.

“It was soon learned that the more time you spent in this world, the more your soul became tainted in a pool of sin. When our first members signed aboard, they were just your average people. But then, after a year or two, chaos began to ensue. The members began to make weird comments, and topics of oddity and injustice began popping up. Then, flame wars ceased. Their typing became more accurate. Plus, a couple of experts started decoding some of the messages that made no sense to us at all, and found them to be coded battle plans within the posts.”

The whole entire group, even Lady, began to become pale.

“However, we finally found out what happened. All of the members’ computers had been found with a virus. This virus was spread to all the members by the server, and we believe all the members got it when they logged on to the website. Now, these members are all nothing but mere zombies, controlled by this dangerous program within the old Forum.”

“Damn it, what is this place?” GFX asked. “What kind of world can be like this?”

“Only one,” replied Sledge. “Twilight Ancient Clan.”

The room became silent as the heroes tried to make sense of what they were just told. A world of zombified members. All controlled by the original server. Probably planning to attack a forum at anytime. And instead of it being destroyed, it was kept within boundaries for whatever reason. It was crazy.

“So,” GRX complied, “you want us to enter the Forum of hell and use the search program they have to find a new server for us so we can get this place under control.”

“In a nutshell, yes,” said Sledge, “and that was a great summary. Except, it can’t be all of you…”

“Um, say what?” GFX WTF’d.

“Well, we can’t risk all of you getting lost in the program, for we need as many heroes here in case they do decide to attack us now in our weakest state. So, I only want to send one of you. The other two will give guarding positions at the castle wall.”

“So, how do we decide?” DX asked.

“Simple, by drawing circuits.” Sledge then took out three circuits from his motherboard. “Whoever draws the shortest cord is the one who has to take the journey into Twilight AC.”

Well, all they could do was draw from Sledge’s hand one of the three circuits. After a few seconds of deliberation and deep thinking done by all, they picked from his hand. They then compared their straws to each other, and found out who was the shortest…none of them?!? With great expressions of WTF plastered onto them, they turned to Sledge for an answer.

“Oh, come on guys, do you really think I would only send one of you in? That’s homicidal on my part. You’re all going!”

“Great…” was all they could say.


Fooly Cooly is when you do this with your hands...:la:

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Chapter 2: Deliverance

So, since the AC needed their new server before the castle itself was attacked, our three heroes went in search of the access URL to Twilight AC. Mission: use the search engine inside to find a new forum server and get Ancient Clan back up and running. Understandable? Yes. Easier said than done? Hell yes! First, the entire forum: run by a giant maniacal computer with a program that runs zombie users. All while they could be planning out the biggest attack on the Forum World any minute now. Well, what would you do with a world like that?

“Personally, I would’ve taken care of this place years ago,” GRX proclaimed.

“That is, if the authority was put unto you, but it isn’t,” DX said.


“OK guys,” GFX said, “this is no time for your usual ranting. Now, we’re here to use the search engine. Let’s find our new server and get the hell out of here.”

“I’m with ya on that one,” said GRX.

“Me too.”

Searching through the massive files within the Archives of Googleopolis (which turned out to take a very, very long time,) they recovered the URL to Twilight AC, as well as a forewarning in the form of a caution pop-up.


The following URL has been quarantined and is no longer available for activation. If this is a certified member of the research team, please enter your password now. If you have stumbled upon this website by accident, please leave immediately. Thanks.


“So, who knows the password again?” GFX asked.

“Um, I thought GRX had the password,” DX confirmed.

“Hey, hold on now! Why would I have the password?”

“Oh yeah, right, you would forget it the moment you were told it,” GFX scolded.

“Hey, I resent that!”

“I’m sure you do, hard-head!”

“ENOUGH!” DX yelled. “Let’s just figure out what this bloody cracker takes as a password.”

Password: “Bloody Cracker” Accepted. Welcome…

“Interesting,” GFX pondered, as the URL opened its access path to let the heroes in.

What they found in the infamous world of Twilight AC was worse than they feared. The place was desolate of thread destruction. Posts lay amuck and text fluttered through the wave lag. Dead forum users still littered the streets of an ever-growing experimental hell.

“OMG,” DX muttered. “This place…it’s horrible.”

“Yeah, I don’t like it either,” GFX said.

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, guys,” GRX complained, “for we have to find the search engine to find a new server. AC can’t wait much longer.”

Setting the eeriness aside, they continued their search for the server. As they cursored through the website, something began to tickle at DX’s spine. It wasn’t the fact that this place was a living nightmare, nor was it the fact that it showed remarkable similarities to the other AC they all knew and loved. What confused him was the fact that there was no activity whatsoever.

“GFX, didn’t Sledge say this place was closed down with all the original members left inside?”

“As I recall, yes. Why?”

“It doesn’t look like anyone is left. I don’t like this at all.”

“Me neither. I think we need to-“

“Found it!” GRX yelled, and the rest of the company followed suit. Ironically, the search engine was right where it was in the new AC. How it didn’t strike the others odd, who knows?

“I guess we find a new server, before anyone else shows up,” DX said.

“Counting dogs and cats, are we?” a voice came from the distance. The three heroes wheeled around, Double Post Blades in hand. To their amazement, they found to users that seemed to be perfectly normal. Sledge had reminded them that the ones that had been infected had certain distinctions, like all around proper grammar, and a tendency to say sentences that made no sense at all. At least these two had a bit of slang to their voices.

“Who are you guys?” GFX asked.

“Well,” the girl user replied, “I am Hell Cat 18. This is my friend, Dogmatix. The silent one on his shoulder is Flying Monkey.”

“A flying monkey?” GRX pondered. “But he doesn’t have wings.”

“Oh crap, “ Dogmatix muttered.

“Oh, I see,” FM scolded, “so in order to be a flying monkey, I have to have wings. Is that it, punk? Huh? Damn it, I hate it when people say crap like that. It makes me want to sot kick their-“

“Are you the Saviors?” Hell Cat asked.

“The what?” GRX asked.

“The ones who would come back to this hell and save the ones strong in mind to not fall to The Program,” Dogmatix explained.

“Yeah,” Fm said, “this place is a bitch, but when I heard from these two the so called prophesy of ‘Three young warriors woud return to hell to bring the willing to heaven,’ it at least gave me some hope to get me out of this god damn place.”

“I guess we can take them with us,” DX and GFX agreed.

“How can we trust them?” GRX yelled. “For all we know, they may be infected with that virus.”

“The virus kills its hosts and turns them into robots, GRX. They don’t look like robots to me,” DX replied.

“Plus, robots are excellent in grammar and etiquette. No offense, FM, but you are sure not a robot.”

“Hell yeah to that!” he cried.

GRX sighed. “All right, we’ll let them come. But I they try to pull anything, I’ll cut all of them, especially that monkey, down to size.”

“Fine, fine, whatever,” DX said, “but before we leave, let’s find that server.”

Using the programming of the server, the web was searched for a worthy server, and finally, they stumbled upon one. It was known as the Crack Rhino. It was also a server to many other worlds, such as Strong Will, Gaia, and even MySpace, and all attempts at making these places sane were successful.

“These guys look good,” GFX noticed. “I say we hire them.”

“Well…” Dx sounded worried. It all seemed too good, but he couldn’t argue with the facts. He had been to the other worlds as well, and the ones under Crack Rhino’s care were the best there was. “All right, they have my vote.”

“Mine as well,” GRX replied. “Now let’s send a request and get the hell out of here in case we meet anymore freakshows.

Before Flying Monkey could even make a reply, they were heading out of the URL, taking their new-found friends with them. All they could do was wait and see if the server would take their request.

I'll try to keep this updated wa much as I can. Since this is my Spring Break, that should be easy.


Fooly Cooly is when you do this with your hands...:la:

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

How about, right now?

Chapter 3: Arrival

Tests were run on the three new inhabitants to make sure the virus had not taken over their train of thought. From IQ tests to grammar quizzes to the important stuff, like MRI and CAT scans, Hell Cat, Dogmatix, and Flying Monkey were put through the most grueling of tests. After a week of experimentation, they were finally cleared of having a virus at all. They were then inaugurated into the AC Kingdom.

After the inauguration ceremony (and the festival of Big Wheel that followed suit), the elders of the clan, King Sledge, Queen Lady, and their faithful associates Dubird, Vincent, and Sabe, as well as the heroes of AC, GFX, DX, GRX, Strider Hiryu, CGRH, and BlitzZ, gathered with the new members in a secret meeting locked to the public forum. There were some matters that needed to be discussed.

“So, the kingdom has some new recruits,” Dubird said at the end of the ceremony. “I still feel uneasy about this. They are from…that place.”

“But, they’ve been cleared,” Vincent pointed out, “so I see no point in worrying over spilled milk. Hell_Cat_18, Dogmatix, and even that Flying Monkey look perfectly fine. Although, the Monkey does raise my concern.”

“What you say about me, ya little cowad? Why don’t ya come ova here and say it to my face!!”

“Woah, FM,” GFX said. “Listen to us for a second, OK?”

“We need to talk about Twilight AC,” King Sledgestone said. “You three are the first we’ve seen come out of that place and still remain untouched by that virus. How did you make it possible?”

“Well,” Hell Cat began, “it’s a long story. We joined the website because we liked anime. Since we joined at the same time, we decided to put each other on our buddy lists. We corresponded with each other with the PM system. That’s when we were noticing things a bit out of the ordinary.”

“One of my other friends,” Dogmatix said, “began to talk normally. He was one of those people that loved to type with acronyms and never add a period. One day, though, he just suddenly changed. He became, like, the grand master of grammar.”

“And he never cursed anymore,” Flying Monkey added. “That buddy had a foul mouth that was worse than mine.”

“That’s hard to believe,” GRX said matter-of-factly.

“Oh, shut the hell up!”

“To continue,” Hell Cat butted in, “we soon noticed that a bunch of our friends were changing into these proper grammar people. We soon became afraid and started talking only in the PMs we received from each other.”

“We couldn’t figure it out,” Flying Monkey said. “We just didn’t know how the hell all this was happening, until…”

“Until what?” Vincent asked, causing everyone to lean closer.

“Until another one of my friends contacted me through a PM one day,” Dogmatix replied. “He told me that he received an invite from the head of the forum service provider, saying that he was to be upgraded to an administrator and help with the duties of keeping everyone in line. He seemed very happy, so I couldn’t help but congratulate him. Then, the next day, he became one of those…’things.’”

“Why did this startle you?” Dubird asked.

“Because…he told me he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about the letter.”

Soon, everyone began to catch on. The letters were sent to practically everyone. However, they were not supposed to tell anyone. Dogmatix’s friend being the only one to tell, now they had the vital clue they needed.

“Sledge,” Lady asked, “who was our service provider when we started that first try?”

“I, I don’t remember. It’s been so long.”

“They never even announced their name in the forums anyway, so don’t think about asking us either,” Flying Monkey said.

“So, the service provider gave out messages to Forum users, and then the next day, show up with this virus that took over their minds. Did you guys ever get a letter?”

“No, but we weren’t about to wait to get one either.”

“We were about to make our leave,” Hell Cat said, “but then the Forum closed, so we couldn’t escape. We never spoke in the public Forums, so we guessed that the server thought we had left.”

“Well, what’s done in the past is done, but we’re glad that you three did not fall victim to the server’s clutches,” Strider Hiryu said.

“Yeah, or I’m sure our friends would’ve killed you on sight,” CGRH said.

“It’s all right, for we would’ve done the same thing,” Hell Cat said, “if we were in their shoes.”

The original heroes gave a sigh of relief. At least they were not alone.

“Wait,” BlitzZ said, “if this was caused by a service provider, and you three requested one just yesterday, how do we know that the one you guys picked was not the one that cursed the Twilight AC?”

Soon, everyone became anxious. Blitz had a point. They were completely clueless on if or not Cracked Rhino was the bugged one.

“We’ll just have to wing it. If the same type of behavior shows up, then we’ll strike it down,” Sabe said. “We’ve been in worse situations.”

“I don’t know,” GFX said. “This still feels uneasy.”

“I know how you feel,” Sledge said, “but do we have a choice? All those damn noobs and banned members are still running amuck out there. We have to find a way to stop them.”

Just then, Mimiru the Messenger stepped inside. “Sorry to interrupt, but the new server has just arrived. Shall I let him in, sire?”

The room fell deafly silent. This was their one last chance to back out, to do a deeper search, to find out if they were the bugged server. Just this one moment to decide…

“Let him in,” Sledge said.


Fooly Cooly is when you do this with your hands...:la:

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

*sigh* so silly :-p...service providers are the devil no matter who it is :-p



"That fairy needs to stop shouting in my ear, or I'm going to throw her friend I have trapped in the bottle into a lava pit or something. HEY, LISTEN! No, YOU listen. If something's important, just say so without yelling at me. Or fly over to it and change color like you usually do. Just because I'm busy mowing the lawn and hoping I'll find some spare change, doesn't mean I can't hear you." - Link

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Chapter 4: Legal Terms

All members of the council were excused for the process of inducting the new server. The only ones that were in the castle to discuss the terms were King Sledgestone and Queen Ladywriter. The rest of the council waited outside in anxiety. They had no idea if this was the cursed server or not. The tension grew as they talked about it in a closed thread.

“Guys,” GFX said, “I can’t take this anymore. I feel like busting in there right now and catching him in the act.”

“If he is the bugged one,” DX corrected, “but we don’t know for sure. Like Sledge said, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“That still doesn’t make it better,” GRX said.

“We just need to keep an eye out if there are any changes,” Dubird said. “Why don’t we start taking tabs on some of the members. Who do we know makes the worst typing scheme?”

“Well,” BlitzZ said sarcastically, “there’s Flying Monkey over there.”

“If they try to lay a finger on me,” FM yelled, “I’ll chop his hands off and hang ‘em on my wall!”

“Well,” Sabe said, “there’s some of those new guys, like Nattizo. And then there’s Hamstergeddon. He always ticks people off.”

“I’m sure we’ll notice changes if Cracked Rhino is the one,” Vincent said.

“Let’s hope it’s just not too late,” Strider Hiryu said.

“Yeah, or we’re-“ CGRH began.

“Don’t say it!” GFX yelled.


The Cracked Rhino’s leader, Sir Darrius Rothchild, stood an amazing 6’5” tall, and his muscular appearance didn’t calm the fearful aura emanating from him. He was a bit stubby, particularly around the middle, but his arms were very well built. His face was a bit scratched, and his nose protruded a little too far out of his nose. If he had a bit of gray skin, he could’ve been mistaken as a human rhino.

“Thank you for inviting me to your magnificent kingdom,” Sir Darrius began.

“Please don’t flatter us, Sir Darrius,” Queen Lady said. “You can say our kingdom looks like hell and back.”

“Honey, please,” Sledge said.

“Don’t honey me!”

“Sir, ma’am, if we may continue,” Sir Darrius cut in. Lady finally calmed down and sat back down. “Anyway, I was flattered when your soldiers contacted me and asked me to check out this place and see if I like it. Truly, I believe that if we work together, we can make this place just as it needs to be. All we need to do is discuss this contract.”

He pulled some papers he brought with him in his briefcase. He showed the contract to them and presented them a pen to sign both of their names.

“If you want to put the contract in basic terms, then it states that all members of bad conduct and spoiled behavior shall be banned from the website and to never be seen within the AC Kingdom again. As you probably guessed, this is how I keep my other forums in line. Also, we are to only allow other members in by invite. We’ll look for respectable people willing to join the Forum committee. If you wish to continue, just sign your name, and we can get started improving Ancient Clan.”

They both then proceeded to the last page of the contract, and Sledge signed his name. Lady still showed a little reluctance, but she eventually signed her name.

“Very excellent. I am so grateful that you guys picked me. I know that this place will become a grandeur of excellence. I shall report back tomorrow with the proper tools needed to get myself started as AC’s new server.” He then picked up the contract and stuffed it into his briefcase. He then began to leave, but Ladywriter stood.

“Wait,” she said, “if we don’t like your service, can we let you go?”

“Lady…” Sledge said.

“But, of course,” Darrius replied. “If you do not like us after all, we can eliminate the contract, and I shall leave. But, you will soon see that I am the best, and we won’t have to worry about that.”

Lady gave a small smile to show a bit of an ‘I’ll believe that when I see it’ type look. Sir Darrius then walked out the door to the AC courtyards, where he passed the other members of the council, some with expressions of worry.

“Do not worry,” he said, “for this kingdom shall be renewed, or I am not the Cracked Rhino server.” He then left through the main gateway.


Fooly Cooly is when you do this with your hands...:la:

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

  • Create New...